Tips on How to Write Memoir

 
 
     Everyone has a story. Even the most mundane story can be insightful and transformative when told through the lens of memoir. Writing memoir is not just about recounting the events that transpired throughout a lifetime. It is about how the inner life can transform pain and joy for anyone who takes time to reflect. According to Judith Barrington’s book, Writing Memoir: a practical guide to the craft, the personal challenges, and ethical dilemmas of writing your true stories, memoir is defined as the act of writing “the story from a life.” This concept is opposed to autobiography, which is the “story of a life.” Memoir is written in first person, “I” while autobiography is written by someone who conducts interviews and writes from the third person perspective of “he/she/they/one.” The memoir is written from personal experience, anecdotes, and a good deal of reflection, while the autobiography is written from history, facts, and dates. Writing from a life gives a unique perspective of what memoirist Frank McCourt calls, “hot spots” in one’s life. It may not span the entire lifetime or encompass everything relevant, but it will be stitched together by ongoing and recognizable themes.

     The themes that run through each chapter are the boundaries that define and focus the work of memoir. They may be subtle or they may be blatant, but they have to be there. This is where novice writers often miss the mark. There is nothing more disconnecting or jarring than reading a memoir that lacks any sort of cohesive connective tissue throughout the text. Those patchy memoirs read like a series of short stories from the same author strung together to create a novel length manuscript, not like the over-soul of an intimate life story. Consequently, there is nothing wrong with a series of short stories to reveal a memoir; however, they must be related by theme to tell the broader, bigger picture. Do not obscure memoir with irrelevant facts that fall outside the parameters of those chosen themes. To help identify themes and provide some perspective, a writer can separate the narrator’s voice of the protagonist “I” from the narrator’s voice.
 
     It is safe to assume that not everything in memoir is one hundred percent factual or accurate. In that case, can a writer make up dialogue? Can names change? Is it OK to change physical descriptions? Does the writer have the right to change up the order of events when it tells a better story? The short answer to these questions is a resounding “yes.” A memoir writer can do all of these things and more, but it is a balancing act. For example, in the nineties, Judith Blunt wrote a memoir entitled, Breaking Clean, where in the first edition, there was a scene depicting her father-in-law throwing her typewriter out the window because she was late for dinner. Later, it was revealed that this scene never actually happened. Blunt defended the memoir by stating that the scene represented her “emotional truth.” The question is then, how far can a writer go to tell his or her emotional truth?

     In memoir, there must be a reliable narrator. In fiction, it is often far more interesting to have an unreliable narrator. However, the reader goes into memoir with an understanding that, “this happened.” That idea of non-fiction forms an unspoken contract between the writer and the reader that must not be broken. There is a commitment to non-fictionalize the story. So, the question remains of how far will the writer go to fill in memory gaps, disguise identities, or express emotional truth? Memoir can be described as the imagination constrained by facts; whereas, fiction can be described as the imagination constrained by what the reader will believe.

     The three distinct parts of memoir: narration, dialogue, and musing work together to form and express complex opinions. The writer is sharing the intellectual quest for answers. There is a struggle to understand life and form judgements. Musing provides the space for the memoirist to voice this quest for meaning. Musing is the act of stepping outside the story and speaking from the perspective of the here and now. The act of self-realization along with analysis guide the reader along on the journey of self-discovery, which is prominent in most good memoir. Without this struggle, the reader loses respect for the writer. Without this tussle, the protagonist is just a hero in his or her own story. No one likes to read a memoir where the hero’s journey is an easy victory every time. A writer of memoir should grapple with thoughts and ponder the consequences of life. Barrington says that “The painful growth of transformations do not lie in the landmark moments, but in small incidents and relationships.” Moments in the life of the reader are likely to resonate with moments depicted in the memoir.

 
     Here are some tips on writing memoir from Barrington’s book:

1. Find the significant moments by asking, “Why do I care about this?”
2. Expect writing a memoir to take time (practice, incubate, muse, and reflect)  
3. Gather themes
4. Think about who the audience is
5. Determine the purpose of the memoir
6. Choose a tone
7. Be willing to take risks
8. Have a notebook at all times
9. Read other memoirs